I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
3pm strippers are depressing
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
