11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
