My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
