through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
