one might say we're banned from that church
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
