So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
