Got a toothbrush?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize