I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
