This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
