Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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