Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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