The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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