Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Oh god it's open bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
