As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
