There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
