This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
