Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
