I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
