After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
