Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
