someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
