I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
