I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
