so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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