how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
