drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize