I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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