why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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