If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
