Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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