Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk is not a location!
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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