I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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