i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
im holly from the hills drunk
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize