its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
