where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
