420 ftw
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
