Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
