Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
