i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
