Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
