Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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