you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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