Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
