You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
