lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
