So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
