theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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