so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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