I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I did not marry a roomba.
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