I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
