First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize