That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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