dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
