I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
