Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
