I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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