You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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