I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
