My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
