i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
