Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
