i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I believe in your delicious
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
