real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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