...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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