No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
