we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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