easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
