remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
