I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
