R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
