Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
