I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
