He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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