Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize