I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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