I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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