How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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