I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
