So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize