SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
