Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
