Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
