I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
