Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
