so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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