he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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