You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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