I met the friendliest cop last night
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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