God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
