I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
