I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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