a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
