i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
as a side note pls kill me
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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