Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
