My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
