yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
