She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
