you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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