So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
