My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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