it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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