You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just had sex on a roof
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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