I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
