I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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