I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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