Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
