headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
