just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
