Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
