No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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