I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
