Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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