I think i sorta joined a cult last night
my phone needs a breathalizer
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
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