I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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