I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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