dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
