The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
