guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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