he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have fence marks all over my body
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
