'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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